I Won't Say I'm In Love
by WhateverGoes09
Summary: Lily is having a little trouble dealing with her feelings. LJ. Songfic. OneShot.


**K a little character info.**

Regular writing- Lily's thoughts/actions & what's going on in story  
**Bold writing- Song & Lily's thoughts  
_Bold/Italic- Song & Lily's heart/guardian angel thing_**

**Do ya get it? Well if not just read on.**

_Trouble in Paradise_

* * *

I kept running away from him. After what I saw...I just couldn't bear to see him again. I just feel so crushed. After what he told me when we first got together. And after I had just broken up with my boyfriend because I found him cheating on me, I can't believe James, MY James, had the balls to do it to me. I guess I should have learned my lesson already. 

All men are asses.

-----

**If there's a prize for rotten judgement  
I guess I've already won that  
No man is worth the aggravation  
That's ancient history, been there, done that! **

-----

Well I guess it really doesn't matter to me. He can go fool around with that girl. I don't care! I never really had feelings for him anyway. And I know he doesn't care for me since he's the kind of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve and I would have noticed he cared surely. Whatever, I don't care what he felt for me anyway since it is all over!

I guess its true when they say a man's heart really is in his pants.

------

**_Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'  
He's the Earth and heaven to you  
Try to keep it hidden  
Honey, we can see right through you  
Girl, ya can't conceal it  
We know how ya feel and  
Who you're thinking of_**

-------

"Lily!" shouted a male voice I had once been very fond of.

I shook my head. My thoughts were starting to scramble once I heard him. It was also very difficult to think knowing James was staring at my backside.

I have to shake off this feeling of foreboding. It was like my body thought I was leaving something wonderful behind, though what, I have no idea. I know it couldn't possibly be love. Love was something to cherish and this man held no especial place in my heart.

-------

**No chance, no way  
I won't say it, no, no**

-------

"Lily!" I heard my name called once more, in slight exasperation I think, and in a much closer proximity than I had heard before. I had to move quickly or I would be caught.

I looked both ways at two different hallways I had come to. I quickly made up my mind to go to the left.

As I moved on I heard a pair of feet pounding down behind me. I knew I had to run now. Almost as soon as I decided this a hand gripped my arm, stopping me from going any further. To my dismay my knees buckled slightly and my body seemed to move a little closer to him, like he was a magnet or something.

"Lily..." James panted, "please don't walk away like this. Its not what you think. Honest! Could you please look at me?"

I thought I would start screaming at him, as I once had, about morals and principals, but instead I found myself sighing and slowing turning around and facing him.

-------

_**You swoon, you sigh  
why deny it, uh-oh**_

-------

"I don't see the point in continuing a relationship since you obviously harbor hidden feelings for that other slut. It just doesn't make sense to go on." I tell James calmly, though as I speak I feel my throat tightening and my heart has started to beat wildly.

James stared at me point blank with a surprised look on his face. "That is a load of niffler-dung Lily and you know it. At least let me explain what you saw. You obviously saw something mistakenly to be acting this way."

"James I don't think you can explain away what I saw." I told him tensely. My anger was beginning to rise helping me keep my tears away. "You don't care worth a shit about my feelings. I don't even care for you anymore. Not that I ever did. You just throw aside anyone who lo-...cares for you to get a little action. Well I'm not gonna be your throw rug anymore!"

------

**It's too cliche  
I won't say I'm in love**

-------

I turn around to walk away blinking back tears but James grabs me by the shoulders and whips me around. He looks really pissed.

"Lily, how the hell do you think I don't care for you? Do you remember how long it took me to get you to go out with me? 5 years Lily! 5 bloody years! And I'm not gonna throw it all away for a one night stand. You know me better than that I hope. Do you remember that squid pun that noone could stop talking about until about a year later? Did you forget how I asked you out dressed up as a squid in front of the entire common room? And how you finally said yes after I had changed my ways and stopped being a bloody prick. I wouldn't throw that away for bloody Trixie!" James shouted angrily, his forehead starting to sweat.

"You probably asked me like that for the bloody attention!" I hollered back, a tear sliding down my cheek, thinking back to my first thought when he had asked me out in the common room about six months ago.

James sighed running his hand through his rumpled up hair. "If you still can't get past what I used to be like then I guess maybe we should stop seeing each other. See ya around Lily," he said as he turned around and slowly began walking away, head hung dejectedly.

My heart stopped. It felt even worse than when I had seen him and Trixie in the common room together. I knew if I let him turn down the hallway without explaining I would regret it forever.

I ran to catch up with him. When I was right behind him I touched his back softly. He stopped but didn't turn around or say anything.

"So how are you gonna explain this away?" I asked softly.

--------

**I thought my heart had learned its lesson  
It feels so good when you start out  
My head is screaming get a grip, girl  
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out  
Oh**

------

James turned with a small frown. He put his hand on my face wiping away my stray tears.

"Really Lily, I wasn't doing anything with her I swear. She was upset about her family or something and had come to me since she knew I had helped Sirius out with his family troubles. I think she just got wound up and threw her arms around me for a hug and started kissing me all over the face. You must have walked in then." James said in a low whisper.

I kept my head down. I didn't want him to see the look of elation that spread across my face at his words.

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_**You keep on denying  
Who you are and how you're feeling  
Baby, we're not buying  
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling  
Face it like a grown-up  
When ya gonna own up  
That ya got, got, got it bad**_

-------

I didn't say anything since I was afraid what my voice might betray about my feelings.

"You believe me right Lils?" he asked slowly, tenderly. I nodded.

------

**No chance, now way  
I won't say it, no, no**

------

I feel like a fool. An overdramatic drama queen who is freaking out about their boyfriends girl friends. I grin despite myself. Oh God, what have I gotten into.

------

_**Give up, give in  
Check the grin you're in love**_

------

"James, I'm an idiot aren't I? I just jump to the worst conclusion possible. I think I knew deep down that you wouldn't have intentionally hurt me but I couldn't trust myself. I'm just like a stupid 14-year-old freaking out about their boyfriend." I glance up at James to see him smiling but I quickly look away again. "Please stop my blabbering before I say or do something even more retarded." I say.

James puts his hand under my chin and tilts my head towards him. He smiles and says, "I think I know how to stop you." Then he leans in closer...

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**This scene won't play,  
I won't say I'm in love**

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He gets even closer. But he's moving so slowly! My eagerness boosts me to stand on tip-toe to reach his lips, but I'm still not quite there, so I throw my arms around his neck and pull him towards me.

Our lips finally connect. My heart is beating so quickly I feel like I just ran a marathon. I'd forgotten how nice it was just to hold James. The way his lips feel against mine. The little surprise of feeling his tongue touch mine. How my knees go weak at his touch. The smell of his cologne. Everything feels like a sweet memory I am finally remembering.

------

_**You're doin flips read our lips  
You're in love**_

-------

It feels like hours later, but in reality its just minutes, James' lips release me. The spell is broken but the magic still remains, faintly, but its still there. James puts his forehead on mine and holds me close, his hands on my waist lightly but firmly.

"I'd say we still got it, wouldn't you?" James asks me in a slightly husky voice. I nod against his forehead, slightly out of breath.

"Lils, I have something I want to tell you that has been on my mind since our first date." James says.

I look up questioningly, my heart starting to beat irregularly once more. "And what is it?" I ask hopefully.

-------

**You're way off base  
I won't say it  
Get off my case  
I won't say it**

------

"Lil," he says hesitantly, "I think, well I'm pretty sure, I'm falling in love with you, or that I am in love with you or something..." he trails off looking at me, a vulnerable look on his face.

I smile to reassure him its ok. I open my mouth to say something, then I myself hesitate. I know I wasn't having a heart attack when he said those words. It must be...could it possiblybe...love?

------

_**Girl, don't be proud  
It's O.K. you're in love**_

------

"James..." I say seeing his expectant face, "I think I'm falling in love with you too."

His face shines with happiness and he hugs me and spins me around. As I hang on to him tightly I give a sigh of relief. I finally did something right.

Love really does make the world go round.

------

**Oh  
At least out loud,  
I won't say I'm in love**

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**The song is from Hercules "I won't say I'm in Love" is the title.  
****Not my song! Disclaimer  
Hope y'all like this little one-shot!**

**DeppGirl**


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